5 Ways to Find Joy in Motherhood
I’d hardly consider myself an expert on motherhood. In fact, just when I feel like I finally have a grip on things, we enter into a new “phase” (why are kids always in “phases,” anyways?) and I find myself back to square one. However, in honor of my 5th Mother’s Day, I’m sharing 5 ways I find joy in the mundane, the messy, and the wild ride that is motherhood.
Know Your Season
There is a time for takeout and a time for homemade bread. There is a time for instacart and a time to stroll the grocery aisles at your leisure. A time for (lot’s of) screen time and a time for Montessori play. When you’re in the thick of it, remember, nothing is permanent -including the sleepless nights, contact naps, temper tantrums, food throwing…you get the idea. When I’m in the newborn phase, my expectations get real low. Did I shower this week? Are my kids fed? Okay - we’re good! I remind myself constantly that this season is temporary and my days of cooking from scratch, waking up at 5:00 to exercise, and fun date nights will return… in time. The same applies when you’re in a season where you find that you can take a breath. When you can shower without listening for a baby, when you can put your kids to bed knowing with great confidence that you won’t see them again until the morning - ENJOY it! It’s all fleeting. Every single part of motherhood. Be where your feet are planted and accept it whole heartedly for all that it is (or isn’t). The hard days come and go just as quickly as the good days. So don’t linger on the bad days and try to savor the good ones.
Let it Go
When I only had one child, I picked up his toys all-day-long. It was tiring but I was hell bent on maintaining law & order in my household… and my feng shui! As I write this, there is mac and cheese on my floor, shoes scattered across the kitchen, dishes in the sink and I haven’t even mentioned the playroom. Needless to say, times have changed. Somewhere along the way I started to let things go. Not everything…but some things. There are still 3 rooms on my first floor that are relatively perfect (thank you, Jesus for baby gates) but the rest of our living space is… dare I say… MESSY for most of the day. I was once chatting with a mom who had 5 children very close in age and asked her how she did it. I will never forget what she said —“lower your standards or lose your mind.” And man, did that stick with me! So, I give you permission to let things go a little. Don’t get me wrong - I still clean my house daily and have a deep cleaning schedule I follow. I still reset the house during nap time and again before bed, but if you were to ring my doorbell outside of those times, you’d be greeted with a mess. And two happy little boys would could care less if their house looks perfect..and a mom who hasn’t lost her mind. :)
Get a Hobby
No really. Find something that you love and carve out time to do it. Better yet, try something you’ve never done but always wanted to do. Learn a new skill! The only way I’ve had success finding time in motherhood to pursue hobbies is to literally put them on the calendar as if they are a true event. This holds me accountable and lets my family know that mommy is busy - even if it’s just for Sunday afternoon 3 weeks from now for 30-minutes. Do what you can (knowing your season), when you can. In a world of consumers, be a creative! Your kids want to see your interests. So be inspiring! Show your kids how to live a full, meaningful life by having an interesting hobby or two and give yourself the gift of alone time outside of grocery shopping (or getting lost in Target during a diaper run).
Create a Daily Rhythm
About a year ago, I quit my part time corporate job (which totally needs it’s own blog post!) to stay home with my boys and grow my photography business. I had no idea how we were going to spend our days. Being a stay at home mom part time was a lot different than full time. I knew we needed a little structure, some guardrails for our days. I purchased a simple e-course that was a series of reflections to help you establish priorities in motherhood and how to create rhythms for your day that support them. I mapped out our rhythms, printed them, laminated them (if you know, you know), and stuck it on the fridge. These rhythms allowed me to show up as a mom every day without the mental load of “what are we going to do today.” It’s flexible - there aren’t set times for things or check boxes. Just a gentle reminder of things we like doing throughout the morning, afternoon, and evenings. For example, in the mornings, I throw in a load of laundry, read books to the kids during breakfast, and go outside to play or head out the door for an outing. It’s simple, but I have found that we all thrive on these rhythms.
Make Mom Friends
I would consider myself a friendly person but truth be told, I always found it difficult to make friends as an adult. Enter... motherhood. Suddenly, everyone wants to be friends! There is something so effortless about connecting with another mom in the trenches. I swear I have made more friends in the last year than I have in my entire life combined. I have this theory that pregnancy humbles us all to our absolute core. It kind of strips away all your self confidence (one pound/stretch mark at a time lol) and suddenly you’re this raw, egoless being who is just grateful for the little things in life - like fitting into your jeans again or not having swollen ankles. Once you’ve graduated from pregnancy and the newborn days and your baby is down to one nap (the best) —the world suddenly opens up again. You emerge from the fog you’ve been living in and you’re different — in the best way possible. I love my mom friends. It’s cool if you don’t text back right away (or in a day or two), they cheer you on, you can talk about anything, and like I said, there is no ego. We’re all just in this together and it’s been one of my favorite things about this era that I find myself in.
The other day, we packed up the kids on a whim for some “mommy & me” pictures. My expectations were low going in and continued to decrease with every click of the shutter. The boys had their own agenda and it sure as hell was not “sit on mommy’s lap and smile at the camera.” But, like motherhood, they aren’t picture perfect, but they are perfect to me. Motherhood is my life purpose, my greatest work, my reason for being on this earth. As always, thank you for being here - I wish you a wonderful Mother’s Day!!